


Alone

by jiiyongiee



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-20
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-02 14:29:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5251715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jiiyongiee/pseuds/jiiyongiee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bad run in with fans leaves Jiyong traumatised and isolated. At this time in his life he needs his best friend more than anything but Seunghyun is unsure he can meet exactly what Jiyong needs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: There is NO rape in this fic however there is non consented touch which plays a strong part in the storyline. The fic may also dabble slightly in depression however it won't be intense at all

His bones ached at the hot water poured down on Jiyong's body, soaking through and easing the pain slightly. His last night of tour was finally over, he'd finished the 3 month world travel at home back in Seoul and honestly he was just happy to be back in his own shower. He stood idly watching as the red colour ran through the water from his hair, turning the bathtub into what looked like a gruesome murder. As much as he loved this new colour, it was such hard work. The constant dying and retouches, honestly he can't remember the last time he used a white towel without staining the whole thing pink.

 

He quickly washed away the pink splatters of tainted water before turning off the shower and hopping out. Quickly towel drying his red mop, he wrapped the towel around his waist and headed for his bedroom. He'd lived alone for about a year now but he was still not used to not seeing his other members, he still found himself sneaking on the occasion in fear of waking up those who weren't even there. To say he was lonely would be an understatement. With working on his solo music and touring, he only saw his members when on scheduled days. Even on stage he felt isolated, there was something just so taunting about standing alone in front of so many people, no other members to help entertain the crowd. Seunghyun wasn't there to tease, Youngbae wasn't there to entice the further. It was just him and it was so difficult.

 

* * *

 

Nights like these he often found himself missing his best friend the most. Back when they all slept in the dorm Seunghyun and he were inseparable, spending every waking moment together like they had since childhood, it had been such a shock at first to be thrusted into a living situation where he wasn't present, it made Jiyong want to cry. Seunghyun had gone to Jiyong's shows regularly at first, always waiting side stage with a bright smile and a congratulatory hug but Seunghyun had a life too and soon enough Jiyong saw him less and less until it was never at all.

 

Jiyong bleakly at the time on his phone, 3:06, and sighed. As tired as he was he knew he couldn't sleep, there was too much going on in his mind, keeping him from passing out. Unlocking his phone, he found himself texting Seunghyun, checking the dates, it had been two weeks since they last spoke.

He was just seconds from putting away his phone before a surprisingly hasty reply came.

Jiyong's fingers tapped against his screen quickly, so desperately hoping the answer was yes.

Staring at the screen Jiyong could see that Seunghyun had read the message but no reply came. Taking it as a no, he locked his phone before lightly throwing it back down onto his bed. It was silly of him to think Seunghyun would come running to him at this time in the morning anyway, the only people out this late were cab drivers and the sasaengs that sat outside so persistently. He discarded the towel before pulling on a clean pair of boxers and a baggy shirt. He even found himself missing his pets. His dog was so far away, right out of the city at his villa, under the care of the loving staff and his cat was no where to be seen. He didn't even know when the last time his cat came home was, he had hired someone to leave out food but even they couldn't monitor his cats activity. He just managed to get comfortable under his bedsheets when a knock at the door came. A bright smile swept across his face as he raced towards the door.

 

His fingers fumbled with the locks before he managed to swing the door open. Seunghyun stood tall looking like a hot mess. He wore a pair of well slept in joggers and a shirt similar to Jiyong's. His black hair was an absolute mess that stuck in all directions, the look was topped off with a pair of black sunglasses that were obnoxiously big. Well no matter how big they were they were, Jiyong found them incredibly obnoxious due to the fact he was wearing them at 3am. One of his hands carried what looked like a heavy crate of beer, the other seemed to be carrying a bag of junk food, the essentials of course.

 

"You walked past the sasaengs like that?" Jiyong asked with a raised brow. Seunghyun chucked. 

"They find me irresistible no matter what I wear so I thought fuck it." Jiyong shook his head before ushering Seunghyun in. The elder kicked off his shoes before dumping the booze and food in the kitchen. Jiyong hovered around him, awkwardly waiting for the perfect moment to pull him into a tight hug. Seunghyun turned, smile still bright and pulled Jiyong into a friendly hug. 

  
"I missed you." Jiyong murmured into the taller's shoulder. 

 

"Don't blame you, I'd miss me too!" Jiyong pulled away and hit Seunghyun playfully.

 

"You're such an asshole."

 

Seunghyun hummed in agreement as he went to open them both a bottle of beer. The two headed for the couch before slumping down onto it lazily.

 

"Netflix?" Jiyong asked. 

 

"Haven't you got one of your concert DVDs? I missed out on all your gigs, I wanna see them." Jiyong laughed. 

 

"Well I'm not objecting to watching my beautiful face for hours on end but unfortunately I don't have any copies yet." Seunghyun pulled out his phone and opened up YouTube, linking it to the tv so he could stream the videos. 

 

"Guess we'll YouTube it then." 

 

"You're so lame."

 

* * *

 

Jiyong was ignored as his friend scrolled through hundreds of fan videos from his recent tour. He had to admit, he loved watching all these videos. Not for looking at himself, it was more of a confirmation that his fans were content with the show and having a good time. He loved hearing their laughter and excited shouts up close, it made him feel closer to them. Seunghyun smiled as he watched Jiyong up on the screen, he'd always loved watching his best friend perform. The two downed beer after beer as they sat on the couch, slowly drifting from the concert videos to funny fan videos. They both giggled as they watched the well edited voice overs and the humorously placed music.

 

The sun was starting to peak over the horizon and faintly illuminated Jiyong's apartment. He was beginning to keep his eyes open, alcohol and travel really tiring him out. 

 

"Seunghyun? Can we go to bed?" He asked whilst yawning. Honestly Seunghyun looked wide awake which made Jiyong feel like the answer would be a no but when an equally tired 'yes' came the two clambered into Jiyong's room like zombies. They both collapsed on the bed as soon as they were within reach and it wasn't long till they were both snoring quietly next to each other.

 

* * *

 

They didn't awake till late afternoon, luckily for them their schedules were clear. 

"Morning sleeping beauty." Seunghyun joked as he poked Jiyong's still half asleep form. 

 

"Piss off." He grumbled into the pillow, 

 

"Come on, get up! I wanna go out." The elder whined in a child like manor. Seunghyun persisted again and again until Jiyong eventually rolled out of bed. It was about 4pm when Jiyong found himself making a coffee in a feeble attempt of caffeinating his body. He brought the cup to his lips and blew on the hot liquid to cool it. 

 

"So where we going?" He asked coolly. 

 

"A club?" Seunghyun suggested hopefully. If there were three things in life that Seunghyun adored the most it was alcohol, girls and music, which of course all three things were found at a nightclub.

 

At first the suggestion hadn't appealed to Jiyong, he had no desires of being sat at a bar while people insistently crowded them, much less did he want to just sit there as he watched Seunghyun flirt his way to the bathroom with a girl. But Seunghyun was stubborn and eventually convinced the younger rapper. The two readied themselves for the night, Jiyong especially taking a lot of time making sure his makeup was absolutely perfect. Seunghyun had riffled through his wardrobe in search for some clothes that would fit his tall frame, eventually he came to terms with the fact that all of Jiyong's trousers would be ankle swingers on him but he managed to make the look work with a complimenting plaid button up. Even in the most casual clothes, Seunghyun managed to look like it was fashion week which Jiyong loved. The red head had settled for a much more attention grabbing look with ripped skinny jeans, a tight top and a massive fur coat. His red hair was parted purposely messy in the middle giving him an effortless look.

 

The two were just about to leave when Jiyong stopped. 

"We should take a selfie." He stated dead seriously. 

 

"Are you kidding me?" Jiyong gave him a stern look that certainly proved that he was not joking at all. Seunghyun sighed and shuffled closer to Jiyong. The taller wrapped an arm around Jiyong's waist and pulled him close. His stomach felt light at the touch, there had always been something about the way the rapper touched him that made him feel odd, he never understood it. Holding up his phone, the two posed as Jiyong pressed the camera button a couple times. When he was satisfied with the picture, he slid his phone into his fur coat pocket and followed Seunghyun out the door. They hadn't even reached the underground car park when the two were swarmed by Saesangs holding their phones to the two rappers faces. Jiyong smiled at them and said polite hellos before he managed to squeeze into the passenger seat of Seunghyun's expensive car.

 

* * *

 

About 3 cars followed them around the city insistently as they searched for a club. They settled for one about a 40 minute drive away from Jiyong's apartment, although far it was more or less a VIP exclusive club. The valet took away Seunghyun's car, the two posed for photos for those waiting outside the club excitedly before heading inside. The music blared at a deafening volume and the floor was absolutely packed with Seoul's richest, dancing and grinding against each other. Upon entering, a few people asked for autographs on napkins and quick selfies, it wasn't anything too over bearing, the two came went often so the regulars were used to seeing their faces. The two sat at the bar and ordered their drinks. Jiyong watched as his friend scouted the club. 

"See anything you like?" He asked in a joking tone.   
"A couple." Jiyong laughed as he took a sip of his drink.

 

It wasn't long till a pair of attractive girls approached them, trying to act cool but Jiyong could see the excitement of the prospect of flirting with such big stars. Seunghyun dove straight in, flirting with the taller girl, joking around with her and softly touching her thigh. Jiyong played along, keeping up a flirty attitude with the other girl, although he wasn't especially into it. He kept up an image for years of being interested in ladies, even dated a few stars but they never did anything for him. During sexual encounters his eyes were always scrunched closed imagining it was someone else. He knew that his record company would definitely not be happy if he came out, much less his band members. 

 

"So, GD do you come here often?" The girl asked, he couldn't quite remember her name. He couldn't help but smile at the cheesy line. 

 

"Sometimes. T.O.P likes it here so..." His eyes trailed up to his friend who now had the girl on his lap. He'd say Seunghyun moved quickly but he knew the fact they were famous sped the flirting process up a lot.

 

The drinks kept on flowing and flowing, sobriety becoming more and more of a distant memory. Jiyong found himself much more Jolly, constantly laughing at whatever his friend or the girls said. Seunghyun found himself lucky enough to disappear into the men's toilets with the girl for just under an hour, leaving Jiyong alone with the girl who was interested in him. He almost felt bad as he gently battered away all of her attempts to become more physical with him, disappointment clear in her eyes. Not long after Seunghyun's return, the two decided that is was time to head home. Pulling on a mask over their mouths, the two stumbled out of the club not very gracefully at all. The valet brought their car round the front and soon enough they were speeding through the streets of Seoul.

 

* * *

 

"That girl seemed to like you." Jiyong pointed out, hoping he didn't sound too spiteful. 

 

"I hope so otherwise that blowjob would've just been plain awkward!" Seunghyun joked in return. Jiyong hummed in agreement and kept his eyes on the road, not knowing what to say to that. The car was travelling fast, Jiyong tugged on his seatbelt, making sure that it was secure and would keep him in. 

 

"You sure you're alright to drive? You drunk quite a bit." 

 

"Yeah I'm fine, don't worry." Jiyong was skeptical but kept quiet, trusting his best friend. It wasn't long till Seunghyun's words proved to be untrue when he started to swerve, still at high speeds.

 

"Seunghyun you need to pull over. You're too drunk." 

 

"I told you I'm fine!"

 

"Pull over!" 

 

"No." Jiyong really began to regret getting into the car as fear settled in his stomach. 

 

"Fucking pull over  _now_!" He demanded, voice louder and more assertive. Seunghyun growled angrily and pulled overly dangerously, not even using his indicator. Not even saying a word, Jiyong unbuckled and got out of the car. The passenger window rolled down. 

 

"What're you doing?!" The taller rapper called out from the car. 

 

"Walking, what does it look like?!" 

 

"Jiyong get back in the car." 

 

"Not while you're drunk!" The red head argued. Seunghyun's jaw clicked in aggravation. 

 

"Fine. Walk. It's not my problem!" He shouted as he revved off, returning to his dangerously high speed. 

 

"ASSHOLE!" Jiyong screamed after him with his middle finger up.

 

* * *

 

Looking in his wallet, he soon realised he didn't have enough cash on him to get a taxi home, meaning he'd have to walk the horrendously long journey or get the subway back. Deeming the subway as the less tiring way of getting home, he pulled up his mask and looked for the nearest station. Even with his face hidden, it wasn't long till he was surrounded by girls with their video cameras pointed in his face and following him. Too drunk, angry and tired to even think about trying to entertain them, he simply kept walking with his head down.

 

Underground, even in the early hours of the morning, the crowds of fans who spotted him was overwhelming, he knew there was no way of getting out of them following him home. When the train came, he and the mass amount of fans piled in. It was such a tight squeeze inside the carriage, bodies pressed up against each other uncomfortably. Jiyong thought he'd go deaf and blind from the squeals and constant flashes of light. It was too much, but he was used to it. He was still a significantly long way from home when the fans stepped over their boundaries. Hands wondered over his body, touching his torso and ass. 

 

"Please don't." He begged as they insistently continued. What was innocent soon became sexual as hands palmed and squeezed him in intimate areas. Jiyong felt his eyes begin to well up, they could all see how uncomfortable he was but they persisted. He tried his hardest to politely batter away the intrusive hands of the fans but to no luck, with each hand he pushed away, another would replace it. He wanted nothing more than to be safe in his bedroom at home in those moments, away from this horrible train journey. He wanted to sober up with a warm glass of coffee while his dog curled up at his toes. He wanted to have his privacy but the saying 'I want don't get' became to surreal for him. 

 

 

Jiyong reached tipping point when he felt a hand very deliberately brushed against his shaft. Anger flurried through the red head. He couldn't believe he was just simply stood there and allowing himself to be abused like this. He was a person. Fame didn't justify how he was being treated in any way.

 

"Just fucking stop." he growled in a temper, no longer putting up with it. The girls simply ignored him and kept going, one girl even took the oppotunity to move her camera closer to Jiyong's face. Angrily he batted it away, not caring that it was being filmed. Some of the girls saw that he was reacting and backed off straight away, not wanting to get wrapped up in Jiyong's fustration. Still there were fans who just didn't know when to stop. He felt fingers pulling at the hem of his shirt and even some cold hands slipping up the front of his shirt. He slapped the hands away harshly, gaing a few audible sounds of pain. With Jiyong becoming more physical, the girls began getting fustrated in return, not believing that an idol would push them away in such a manner. One girl even had the nerve to square up to him, not accepting that Jiyong didn't want to be touched. Luckily, the train came to a stop at a station that was only a 30 minute walk away from Jiyong's apartment. Seeing the oppotunity to run out of the cramped space, he pushed past the girls quite roughly before spritining as fast as he could down the platform.


	2. Chain Smoking

Upon returning home, Seunghyun had called Jiyong several times that night but Jiyong simply ignored every attempt. The older rapper had even texted him repeatedly in his drunken state. As each came through, Jiyong took a moment to read each one but never replied. He knew it was frustrating his friend but he just couldn't bring himself to say anything.

It wasn't that Jiyong didn’t want to talk to Seunghyun, admittedly he was still angry with his friend, but he just couldn't bring himself to talk about what happened. He knew Seunghyun would just laugh and tell him to get over it, or say it was his own fault for getting out of the car in the first place but that wasn't the case. Jiyong just wanted his friend there, so he could be comforted in knowing silence and nothing else but he knew all too well that, that was an unrealistic expectation. Jiyong threw his phone down beside him on the bed before burying his face in his pillow and letting out a muffled scream. He felt so dirty, like every inch of his skin was made unclean by every hand that touched him. He felt violated. He felt stupid and he felt alone.    
Jiyong began to cry.It wasn't a loud longing cry that screamed for attention, nor was it a body consuming sob that shook him like a leaf on a tree. It was silent and still. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he laid on his stomach, staring at the wall, mind and body numb. He felt so alone in that moment. Once again he was overly aware of how empty his massive apartment however this time, it was unlikely that a single text would bring company.He cried for a long while, not even keeping track of the time in any way, eventually he fell asleep; drifting into a dreamless sleep.  
 

 

* * *

 

 

  
The sound of a ringing phone was the only thing that brought Jiyong back to consciousness. The sound insistently shrilling in his ear until he couldn't ignore it any longer. Not even checking the caller ID, he swiped the answer button and brought it to his ear, still half asleep. 

"Hello?" he grumbled.

"Where the fuck are you?" Seunghyun's voice questioned through the speaker. Jiyong groaned.

"In bed." 

"You're an hour late, our interview starts in thirty minutes!" The younger rapper didn’t care though, no sudden panic raised in his stomach, nothing caused him to flee from his bed and hurry himself. He just laid there.

"I'm not coming."  

"What do you mean you're not coming?! This has been booked for months, we're perform-" Jiyong hung up before Seunghyun could even finish his sentence, not wanting to be lectured when he knew exactly what was about to be said. If he kept listening, Seunghyun would moan about who would sing Jiyong's lines, he'd try and guilt trip him, saying that he was the leader and he had to be there. Eventually Jiyong would feel guilty and rush over there as quickly as he could because he always found it hard to say no to his friend, it'd been that way ever since he could remember. But he refused to let that happen. He didn't want to wake up, he didn’t want to get out of bed and he most certainly didn't want to face the world.   
The conversation with Seunghyun had brought him to full consciousness which stopped him from closing his eyes. Calls still kept coming through, some from Seunghyun, the rest from Youngbae and their manager but he didn't answer a single one. In the end Jiyong turned off his phone's reception so that no calls could come through. After the calls stopped, it was deadly silent in his apartment. Despite living in central Seoul, he couldn't even hear the busy streets a couple floors below.   
 

 

* * *

 

 

   
An hour passed until he deemed it fit to turn his cell reception back on. He had a total of 23 missed calls and 16 texts. Absent mindedly he scrolled through his messages. One from Youngbae caught his eye.

Instantly Jiyong switched apps and googled his name. Reading the most recent and popular headlines, he couldn't breathe.  
   
**'BIGBANG's G-Dragon abuses fans'**

**'Drunk idol fights fans on subway'**

**'G-Dragon. Abuser of fans?'**  
   
Opening one of the articles a video came up straight away. It was one of the fans from the night before, taken from a bad angle. The clip only showed him roughly shoving and slapping away the fans but didn't once show them trying to touch him. The clip ended with him shoving a few away harshly. He couldn't believe it. The video was already viral, being seen from all around the world.  
   
"Fuck." He groaned as he massaged his temples. The video had been taken completely taken out of context and twisted by the media, making him seem like someone he's not. Honestly, he felt like crying again. Worsening the situation he scrolled through his social media, the comments were ruthless. Many calling him an asshole, that he didn't care about his fans, that he was an alcoholic. They hurt. Staring at the photo of him and Seunghyun he uploaded the night before he realised his life was suddenly a nightmare.  
   
Clambering out of bed, hangover causing a banging in his head, he went over to one of his unpacked suitcases. He riffled through it for a second before finding what he was looking for. Pocketing a packet of cigarettes and a lighter, he opened up his balcony doors before bringing one to his lips. It had barely even been lit when he noticed vans parked across the road, full of camera men and angry fans. Upon sight of him it was like someone flicked a switch and they suddenly became active. Day light muted out the harsh flashes of the professional cameras but they still created an irritation. Reporters shouted questions at him, stupidly thinking he'd actually reply. Fans chanted abuse.  
   
At this point sadness morphed into anger as he held the cigarette in his mouth and held his middle finger up to all of them, giving them all the picture they wanted. Quickly he retreated back inside. He hated smoking inside, with just one cigarette the room became stuffy and horrid, leaving a lingering smell in all the fabric but he needed that cigarette. He knew he'd told his company and fans that he'd quit but it was his dirty little secret, a habit that he just couldn't loose, especially at times like this. Still in his clothes from last night, Jiyong slipped back into bed, cigarette perched between his lips. Placing his ashtray on his lap, he grabbed his PlayStation controller and opened up Netflix.  
 

  
 

* * *

 

  
   
Jiyong lost track of all the hours he spent sat there watching shows he showed no interest in. Going to smoke another cigarette he noted that it was his last one. For the millionth time that day, a frustrated 'Fuck' left his lips. A new show had just started when a loud knock on the door made him jump. Quietly he tip toed to the door, hoping whoever was on the other side would leave upon realising Jiyong wasn't there. He was just inches away from looking through the peep hole when the violent knocks came yet again.  
   
"Open the fucking door, I know you're in there I can smell cigarette smoke." Seunghyun yelled through the heavy wood.  
   
"Fuck off I don't want you here!" Jiyong called back. He heard the heavy sigh from the other side.  
   
"Look I just wanna talk. I'm not gonna rat you out to the company." With the chain still on the door, Jiyong opened it.  
   
"You have 5 minutes." Seunghyun peeked through the small gap between the door and the frame.  
   
"Are you serious? Just let me in." The red head shook his head. Seunghyun's eyes softened and frustration faded from his face.  
   
"Please Ji." The nickname made Jiyong's heart sink. It came so soft from his lips and sounded so perfect in the others ears. He knew that Seunghyun only called him that when he wanted to guilt trip him but it worked. It really did. Reluctantly Jiyong removed the chain and opened the door. Seunghyun shuffled inside, removing his shoes before just simply standing in front of Jiyong. He stared at Jiyong and Jiyong stared back.  
   
Seunghyun had always had such an intense stare, his eyes were able to probe into the soul of a person. He was able to assess their thoughts and feelings with just one long look, it was scary sometimes. A look of sadness swept upon Seunghyun's face and he opened his arms wide, inviting Jiyong in for a hug. The red head dove forward, wrapping his arms around the taller mans torso and burying his face in his neck. Strong arms pulled Jiyong in tight, like they would never let go. At the action Jiyong let out a little cry, one he'd been saving since that morning but now Seunghyun was here. Slowly rubbing his back and running his fingers through his hair comfortingly. It was times like this when Jiyong felt blessed to have such a good friend.  
   
Jiyong sobered up pretty quickly, realising that his friend probably wasn't comfortable with this much contact, straight guys were always weird about it. He rubbed away whatever tears may have remained with the back of his hand and gave Seunghyun a small smile.  
   
"Wanna talk about it?" Jiyong gave a weak and the two walked to Jiyong's bedroom where they sat on the bed. The red head pulled the covers up around himself before turning to look at Seunghyun.  
   
"Don't suppose you have a spare cigarette do you?" He asked. The taller rapper nodded and pulled a box from his pocket and offered it to Jiyong. His long fingers pulled one from the box and placed it in his lips.  
   
"Chain Smoking?"  
   
"Yeah."  
   
"Shit Ji. You never do that unless somethings really gone down."

  
 

* * *

 

 

  
Jiyong explained everything in great detail from the moment he got out the car to the moment for Seunghyun had arrived. His friend kept quiet, taking in Jiyong's every word a processing it.  
   
"So this is all a massive misunderstanding?" He asked when Jiyong finished.  
   
"Yeah, I guess."  
   
"I'm so sorry Ji, this is all my fault." Yes Jiyong deep down felt that his friend was slightly to blame but he'd never imagine saying it, much less hear it.  
   
"It's not your fault at all! It was those girls okay? Not you." Jiyong quickly insisted. Seunghyun didn't look sure with the red heads words but he didn't argue.   
   
"I just don't know what to do." He admitted quietly. Seunghyun looked thoughtful for a moment.  
   
"Me neither to be honest. Not unless you get the cops involved, claim sexual harassment." The thought alone scared Jiyong. He'd never been fond of the police, not since the drug incident a few years back.

"I can't do that."  Jiyong muttered quietly. For the second time Seunghyun wrapped his arms around the younger rapper and pulled him in tight. Contact with Seunghyun was such a familiar feeling, everything from his warm touch to the sweet smell of lingering aftershave, it just felt like home to Jiyong. Neither knew what to say next so they sat in silence, it was a comfortable silence though. Neither felt the obligation or need to speak, just the way Seunghyun held Jiyong said enough.   
"Thank you." Were the first words to break through the silence.   
"I mean, you're a better friend than I've ever deserved." A low chuckle escaped the throat of Seunghyun.  
"You've never done anything not deserving of anyone's friendship Jiyong." Jiyong didn't argue, nor did he agree. Instead he sat, falling back into silence, not breaking the contact with his best friend.  

  
To say that Seunghyun’s presence helped was an understatement. At the time he was so sure that he wanted to be alone but it wasn't till Seunghyun’s face turned up at his door step that he realised how much he really needed a friend. Once again Seunghyun stayed with him the whole night, except when he popped out to stock up on snacks, beer and cigarettes. They spent the night curled up on opposite ends of the couch, legs occasionally entwining with each other but after a while Seunghyun always pulled away. They rarely spoke, only exchanging words to ask for something or discussing what to put on Netflix. Jiyong enjoyed it though. Just having Seunghyun there even if he was silent stopped all loneliness he felt in that house. 

 

* * *

 

 

  
The morning came too soon, reminding them both that sleep should have claimed them hours ago. 

“We have rehearsal today.” Seunghyun stated with a yawn interrupting his words. Jiyong’s eyebrows furrowed, he didn't feel ready to leave the safety of his home. If he was quite honest with himself he never wanted to leave his apartment, he was quite content with locking himself inside with his friend. 

“I don't wanna go.” 

“You have to. The company’s already pissed you skipped out on the show yesterday. We had to lie for you.” The older man said with a firm look, reinstating the consequences of Jiyong’s actions. “You're not in a position to do as you please any more. We have responsibilities, you more than anyone.” 

“Please don't give me the ‘you're the leader and you have to lead’ speech because you know how much I hate it.” The red head complained. 

“Look. It's in the company dance studio, no media and no fans. You won't have to deal with anything you don't want to.” Jiyong was unsure. He debated slowly in his head. 

“Please Ji.” Seunghyun pleaded. There it went again; the nickname. The guilt tripping nickname that made his heart melt and his stomach fill with butterflies. How could he say no? How could he say no when Seunghyun addressed him so sweetly, when Seunghyun had looked after him, when Seunghyun had looked at him like that. How could he say no to such wide, beautiful eyes that stared down at him, piercing his soul. 

“Fuck you.” Jiyong growled as he crawled off the couch to get ready for the day. Grabbing towels he headed for his bathroom and switched the shower on. He loved showers. He simply loved the way the warm water seemed to relax all his muscles, each droplet becoming a small bit of therapy. He also adored that clean feeling afterwards, the feeling of pulling on freshly washed clothes against his clean skin, the smell of soap and shampoo lingering for the day. He hummed to himself as he scrubbed himself down with a sponge, cleaning himself off from all the bad touch from the night before. He watched as the soap suds that slathered his skin washed away under the hard water pressure. The opening of the bathroom door caused Jiyong to jump and nearly fall over in the shower, he poked his head around the shower curtain, staring at Seunghyun. 

“What're you doing?” He asked. 

“Taking a piss and brushing my teeth?” Seunghyun said with a shrug. He gave Jiyong a confused look when Jiyong remembered that stuff like this was perfectly normal when they lived back at the dorm. 

“Oh. Okay.” Jiyong pulled his head back onto his side of the shower, giving Seunghyun his privacy even though Jiyong felt it was he who needed the privacy. The older rapper kept true to his word and quickly went through his morning routine but instead of leaving, the red head watched as Seunghyun’s silhouette pulled his shirt off. 

“Hey, I stink. I need a shower, mind if I hop in? We don't have time to take it in turns.” Jiyong’s breath stopped. He wanted to get in the shower too? He couldn't believe it. It was such an intimate action, why did Seunghyun want to instigate that? His silence must've been painfully apparent to Seunghyun. 

“If it's too weird it's fine, I'll just have one at home tonight.” 

“No!” Jiyong said a bit too enthusiastically. He cleared his throat nervously, hoping his voice was a tad more normal with his next words. 

“I mean I don't mind at all.”  He watched as the taller rapper hesitated for a second before undressing completely. He saw his hand pull the shower curtain back just a small bit, just enough for him to slip inside the shower. Jiyong didn't know where to look, was it too weird to look his friend in the eyes? Obviously he couldn't let his eyes wonder over Seunghyun’s body, that was just too gay.  He settled for staring at the floor, it was safe. His friend shuffled closer, their bodies uncomfortably close. 

It was so out of character for Seunghyun to be like this. His friend wouldn't even take off his socks in front of anyone, let alone stand completely nude in the shower in front of Jiyong. 

“Shove over, I'm not getting any water.” Jiyong complied, moving so both of them could fit under the large shower head. The younger couldn't help but feel shocked by Seunghyun’s words. They weren't what he was expecting at all. He didn't even know what he was expecting but it definitely wasn't something so mundane, it just sounded so out of place. With their situation he should've said something intimate, commented on something about Jiyong’s body, said something awkward but it was just so normal. But that expectation was just Jiyong’s fantasies consuming his reality. This was simply two friends showering together, nope. No matter how Jiyong phrased it in his head it sounded dirty and intimate. 

Neither said anything, except when Seunghyun asked for shampoo or soap. The taller rapper wore a neutral expression, it didn't seem like he cared the tiniest bit about what was happening, meanwhile Jiyong was slowly dying inside. Even with the quick brush of bare shoulders, Jiyong felt like his skin was on fire. To Seunghyun it was just a locker room situation but to Jiyong, it was too much. It was almost like he was trying to prove something, prove that he was straight, that he could get in the shower with Jiyong not not show any form of attraction. 

It was just too hard to refrain himself from checking Seunghyun over just once. Just one time and he'd be done. As Seunghyun closed his eyes, washing the lather of shampoo that he'd massaged into his scalp, Jiyong took the opportunity. He allowed his eyes to trail along Seunghyun’s muscular shoulder blades, watching as muscles contracted with each movement. His whole body was toned, with just the right amount of muscle and  fat. Jiyong couldn't help but compare him to a well chiselled statue by Michael Angelo. Dread settled in his stomach however when Seunghyun caught him staring. He cleared his throat awkwardly. 

“Are you done?” He asked. Jiyong couldn't form words, absolutely petrified that he'd been caught checking out his friend. 

“With the water I mean..” He trailed off. 

“O-oh. Yeah. I'm done.” Jiyong stuttered, further making a fool of himself. Seunghyun switched off the water, before quickly exiting the shower, wrapping a towel around himself. Jiyong sheepishly peered around the shower curtain and Seunghyun threw a towel at him. 

“Better hurry. We’ve only got 45 minutes.” And with that he exited the bathroom. 


End file.
